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Where's my Mummy ??

Hi There,

MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES SOMETIMES ... A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily... 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' 'I remember that too' she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have been released today. ' ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Grant, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.
Its length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.
Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part,
she composed herself as well as she could.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady,
I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Grant replied.

She ran out of the room.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ 1. MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPPINESS BUT...SOMEHOW, ITS MORE COMFORTABLE TO CRY IN A MERCEDEZ BENZ THAN IT IS ON A BICYCLE. -------------------------------------------------------------- 2. FORGIVE YOUR ENEMY, BUT REMEMBER THE SWINE'S NAME. -------------------------------------------------------------- 3. HELP A MAN WHEN HE IS IN TROUBLE, AND HE WILL REMEMBER YOU, WHEN HE IS IN TROUBLE AGAIN. -------------------------------------------------------------- 4. MANY PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM. --------------------------------------------------------------- 5. ALCOHOL DOES NOT SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS, BUT THEN NEITHER DOES MILK. ---------------------------------------------------------------

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I wonder how long it took to set this up ??

Cheers, Kate xxx.