Tuesday, 23 June 2015

A 'Soppy' Story ...



Hi There, 


I received the undernoted mail today from my sister in law and as I'm a right 'soppy' I just had to post it here ........   I hope you also enjoy it !


This explains why exactly why I forward jokes, and it says it all for me. 
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him 
had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high,
 white stone wall along one side of the road.

It looked like fine marble..

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that 
glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent
 gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate,
 and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
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When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Ofcourse, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice
 water brought right up.'

The man gestured and the gate began to open.
 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill,
he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gatethat looked as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
 leaning against a tree and reading a book....

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'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump,' said the man.

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it..

The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself,
 then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back
 toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said.

'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
 Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out
 the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
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Soooo. Now you see, sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding stuff to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain it.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch,
guess what you do? You forward mails.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact,
 you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what,
 and don't know how....you forward stuff.

A 'forward' lets you know that you are still  
remembered, you are still important, you are still loved,  and you are still cared about. 

So, next time if you get a 'forward', don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

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You are welcome at my water bowl anytime !!

                                                     Love, Kate  xxx.


    Oh and by the way Please ...
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Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Some laughter to start your day !



Hi There,


I received this via email from my sister in law recently and loved it, so hope you like it too ...

1)
NUDITY
 
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
 
2)
OPINIONS
 
On
   the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 
3)
KETCHUP
 
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
 
4)
MORE NUDITY
 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
 
5)
POLICE  1
 
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 

6)
POLICE  2
 
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake , was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 
  'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' 
7)
ELDERLY
 
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon  rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
 
8)
DRESS-UP
 
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' 
9)
DEATH
 
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) 
   

10)
SCHOOL 
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
 
11)
BIBLE
 
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,  'I think it's Adam's underwear!' 



Bye! from the land of the tartan, Kate x.




Friday, 15 May 2015

Jest thinking ......


Hi there folks,



As I was sitting around pondering the problems of the world recently I realized that at my age I don't really give a damn anymore, I mean let's face it .... if walking was good for your health the postman would be immortal.  

A white whale swims all day, only eats fish and drinks water but 
is still fat.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years - while 
a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years...  

You tell me to exercise ??   I don't think so !  Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older I've discovered ...

1)     I started with nothing and I still have most of it.
2)     My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all 
        bran.
3)     I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling 
         apart.      
4)     Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5)     Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded - hmm..
6)     If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
7)     It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8)     Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the   
         hydrant !
9)     I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few 
         of  them.  
10)   Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11)   Accidents in the back seat cause kids....
12)   It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been
         anywhere.
13)   The world only beats a path to your door when you're in 
         the bathroom.
14)   If God wanted me to touch my toes he'd have put them on 
         my knees.
15)   When I'm finally holding all the cards, everyone wants to 
         play chess.
16)   It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
17)   The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18)   These days, I spend a lot of the time thinking about the 
         hereafter......  I go somewhere to get something and then
         wonder what "I'm here after"?
19)    Have I sent this message to you before ?  or did I get it 
         from you ???
20)    Funny?  I don't remember being absent-minded...
         

The foregoing has been set here for all my "post menopausal"
friends to whom it will all probably make perfect sense !  To
anyone else just imagine what you have ahead of you hehehe...


Cheers, Kate xxx.


                      

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

FRACKING ???



Hi There,


I watched a TV programme tonight on 'Fracking' and am really annoyed at the points made ...  It was, according to the programme makers made out to be a good idea....  They neglected to give any real information in regard to the bad things attached to the results of this method.  

It now seems that they have Europe in their sights so now we are about to be bombarded by how everything in regard to Fracking is wonderful. There are plenty of videos on 'You Tube' telling of the many bad happenings in the USA due to Fracking...  Do they really think that we in this country are blind and totally stupid ?


I would be very interested in what you think ??



Cheers, Kate xxx.



Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Baking Soda uses Yummy microwave meringues and a parking charge tip.



Hi There,






Mmmmmm... Yum dessert !

The white of  1 large egg add to 300 grams of icing sugar knead for a few minutes pull off large marble pieces of the mixture roll into bolls and place 4 or so on a piece of kitchen roll paper on some sort of plate,  put in microwave for 1 to 2 minutes ...  voila !  Meringues... you can add fruit/- strawberries etc then serve...




WOWEEEE !  and to finish off this blog entry  I have added a wee video about parking charges which some of you in th UK. might find interesting ......






Cheers, Kate xxx.



Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Two weird and wonderful videos...




Hi There,

I came across these videos recently on You Tube and wondered what other people thought of them ...  



Now here's another weird video ......


Now what do you think ?  Are they true or false ??? 


Cheers, Kate xxx.


Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Stories of Mice, Men, Women and Children etc .....


Two 'true' happenings . 
    


Hi There ,

I have reposted these happenings of my childhood because a friend is having problems with some long tailed creatures at the moment and I was asked if I knew any remedies which would help clear these little beings from her house.  So, here we go again !  (As related in my blog dated 27/1/08.....

As usual folks I am compelled to write another of my rememberings, sometimes when I am due to do another blog post I hit a brick wall.....does that ever happen to you or is it just because I'm a relative newcomer to the world of Blogging? I was talking to someone recently who was complaining about having problems with mice in their house and they said that they had tried everything they could think of to get rid of them ... it reminded me of our family having the same problems nearly 60 years ago...
This is something which will probably convince you that I really am "round the twist" as it were. When I was nearly eleven years old my family moved to stay in a house where the back garden and Drying Green backed on to a field. I was the eldest of five children and to live near such a large (playground) was a marvellous experience for us. We all have memories of playing there, when the grass was long we would be hunters running through jungles and have adventures and when the grass had been cut we would attempt to build huts and have places where we could hide using branches and wood etc. In other words it was quite an idyllic play area for youngsters.
Now for the first five years after we moved there during the last days of Autumn and Winter was creeping in all of our lives were tormented by little pests (field mice) who, no matter how my Dad sealed up holes, laid traps etc and did everything he could to stop them getting into our house he never ever succeeded. Sure as God made little apples though ... we would all be sitting round the TV on a winters night and we would hear a scuffle coming from somewhere and a little animal would shoot from the Kitchen across the floor of the Living Room to goodness knows where... Now this happening would be more than a little disconcerting for the kids who were in the unfortunate position of being on the floor - rather than on one of the "chairs" belonging to "The Suite", if you had not quickly bagged a seat then you would have to loll floorwards. Keeping an eye open for little beasties with long tails.
As I said, my parents were tearing their hair out for nearly five years, one autumn afternoon my Mum was sitting at her sewing machine - going good style, probably making another matching outfit for us kids (from we were toddlers till we were too old for them, we each had a matching gingham set - girls skirts - boys shirts girls white tops.You think I'm kidding ??? (we looked like kids from Sound of Music) though we wore them more than they did.
The TV was on while she sewed but something she heard made her stop and take notice, it was a lady talking about how to get rid of mice and beasties from your house. She said that all that was required would be to go into every room and walk-in cupboard in your house and just explain to the mice that you were afraid of them and that they would be better off going to " ................" and that "they" would like them to stay "there". Now the point of the missing words is to let you know that you had to tell the mice where to go, but you must not tell anyone else. This suggestion to Mum was helpful as at the time we had a little problem with a neighbour of ours.
This was an electric light bulb moment for Mum. She thought about it but said nothing to any of us and on a day later in the week she tried it out. It was only afterwards that she owned up to the action which she had taken and told us that while she was doing it she was very embarrassed and felt a right TWIT. But she had to do it, she had come to the end of her tether and was dreading another winter with our little friends.
From that day on though none of us ever saw any sign, or hide nor hair of any little wild creature in the house . My Mum lived the rest of her life there and died in that house which was still mice-less. All of our family can attest to this and all of us remember the fright we all experienced each time one of the little tykes made an appearance.
I tell you something else, none of us have ever had any problems with vermin of any kind in any of our houses and a few of us have lived in or near the countryside. I can't speak for the rest of our family these happenings are well known and wherever I have lived I always have a little walk around and have had a word or two on the quiet with any tiny creatures that might be listening.

EPISODE 2 ...
I was reading through my posts this morning checking out it anyone had looked in and realized that I hadn't put an addition, to the "Childhood Memories"  About 10 years ago there was an article in the newspaper about Buck House (Buckingham Palace) being inundated with mice and rats - Blimey! who'd have thunk it eh?

You know what's coming don't you? me being helpful, had to write and tell them what my Mum had done years ago to rid us of the little vagabonds and ask "them " (the power behind the throne - ie servants wot clean Her Majesties rooms ) to have a word on the QT with the little beggars and tell them - in no uncertain terms to go to ???  Now there's a thing, where do they tell them to go ?  I reasoned that if it worked in our humble abode then there was no reason why it could not work there... I thought well, if nothing else they (whoever opened the envelope) would get a laugh.

Blow me, if I didn't get a reply with the crest and everything from one of her Maj's ladeez or one of the many Secretaries who thanked me for my information and told me that "reports of the infestation had been exaggerated " yeah, right ! I'm damn sure there must be millions running about the House there. Her Maj probably never even heard a scoobie about getting rid of the long tailed pests - or about some "nitwit" writing to her.

Just thinking about it though, can you imagine how long it would take to go round all the rooms and walk-in cupboards in the Pal ? probably too much to expect some folk to do that job. Just you remember too the next time you read in the papers that the Palace is coping with an infestation of wee long tailed animals.

Hope today's little episode gave you a laugh anyway - It really cheered me up too..
Cheers to All from Scotland, where the midges rule and the Haggi roam the streets.....

Love Kate xxx..


** WARNING ** The reading of this article can Seriously Damage your Mental Health though unbelievably it is all completely true... Honest Injun !! (well ..... apart from the bit about the Haggi roaming the streets that is).