SHAMBLES MANOR



MEH... MEEH.... MEEEEHH...
THE SPRING HAS SPRUNG THE GRASS IS RIZ, I WONDER WHERE THE BIRDIES IZ ?
THE BIRDIES THEY IZ ON THE WING - HOW ABSURD, THE WING IS ON THE BIRD ...

Thursday, 24 April 2014

A Funny animal video and Some tidbits of knowledge.



Hi There,


This is something to make you smile ...




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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit...  Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad !  Have a look at some peoples wisdom ...


SSSometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
  
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'- Eleanor Roosevelt
  
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
  - Mark Twain
  
 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  - Groucho Marx
   
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
 - Jimmy Durante
   
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
 - Zsa Zsa Gabor
  
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
  - Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
 - Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
 - Spike Milligan
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
  - Bob Hope
   
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
  - Will Rogers
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
  - Phyllis Diller



Cheers, Kate xxx.




Monday, 21 April 2014

My wee Trixie and Jimmy Stewart 's dog Beau.



















Hi There,

This is a poem which was penned by Jimmy Stewart about his dog...  A Dog Called Beau!

It so reminded me of the last pet dog I had, she was called Trixie and she slept on the floor at my side of the bed, for ages after she died she often came to visit me, the difference between me and Jimmy Stewart is that he leaned over to Beau and stroked him...  I on the other hand was kind of afraid to lean over ... I just was very aware of her visits and kind of  looked forward to them...  It was as though she came to visit to check me out and say Hi ...  She is shown on the photo above being held by my Mum ... it's now over 10 years since Trixie died and I still miss her very much.





Cheers, Kate xxx.



Saturday, 19 April 2014

An alternative ZEN Teaching and A beautiful sight ...






Hi There,


'ALTERNATIVE' ZEN TEACHINGS 

1.
 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 

2.
 Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3.
 No one is listening until you fart. 

4.
 Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 

5.
 Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 

6.
 If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 

7.
 Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 

8..
 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

9.
 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

10. 
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.


11. 
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 

12. 
Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree. 

13. 
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 

14. 
Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment. 

15. 
A closed mouth gathers no foot. 

16. 
There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works. 

17. 
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. 
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

19. 
We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse. 
and lastly number 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ 


A beautiful sight with the use of drones ... for once though they were put to good use !





Cheers, Kate xxx.




Friday, 11 April 2014

A Moan, a happy wee chap and unusual partners ...



Hi There,


A moment of ancient mind rolling ...

France, Uruguay, Malaysia, Costa Rica and Mexico.

While checking around the net I came across an article about the healthiest countries in the world as shown above and while checking them out I realised one salient fact  that they hadn't cottoned on to...  All of them are filled with sunshine a lot of the year...  These lucky inhabitants see that yellow ball in their skies regularly whereas we  live in a country called Scotland where you see very little of that yellow ball ... (called 'THE SUN' )   In my humble opinion this fact has a great bearing on health !!!

Let me congratulate the citizens of the world who regularly see this wonderful addition to their lives...   We in Scotland rarely see the sun but sometimes we do see an awful lot of RAIN, WIND, HAIL and SNOW ... (sometimes even in the one day). This of course means that there are a lot of folk who are lucky enough to have skins which are pale, perfect. and interesting.  So .....  I'm not going to complain too loud - you can't have everything,

OK enough of the moaning ! Except for the next wee video which shows an adorable wee boy - take a look it will brighten your day ......




~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ 


Now for another type of bird ... this wee film is for advertising ' Freeview on TV ' ....... ENJOY !





Cheers, Kate xxx.



Thursday, 3 April 2014

Riley and some some funny church bulletins...



Hi There,

This wee man is the latest member of our family, my grandaughter's baby ' Riley ' ... (and therefore my Great Grandson)  arrrghh ... 

He's a wee cutie isn't he !



































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Church ladies with typewriters...

They're Back! Those really funny Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences below actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting Prayer Conference includes meals. 

--------------------------

Scouts  are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight:‘Searching for Jesus.' 
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
-----------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
          ------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..---------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.-------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 
--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.------


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
--------------------------

This last one just about sums them all up!

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's  new campaign slogan last Sunday .

'I UPPED MY PLEDGE - UP YOURS!'

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Confusion ...



Love and stuff, Kate xxx.



Thursday, 20 March 2014

Roll on Independence followed by a hilarious video.



Hi There,






Warning :: Lecture ahead, well, strictly speaking not really a lecture more something that has been birling  about in my head.  It is something that I feel bound to put out into the ether. So here goes !

I won't vote YES this year for Independance because of what we or others will get - I will vote YES because my country, as part of the UK is and has been for a long time seen as one of the many 'regions of the United Kingdom or more correctly 'England'....  I think that this is something of which the ordinary man and woman in England are totally unaware .

Whether or not we will be better off than we are now has NO BEARING WHATEVER on my wish that Scotland becomes Independent and I have no doubt that mistakes will probably be made as indeed they are in England (where they have had hundreds of years trying to get it right )  but we will learn!

Better that than continue to allow others to organize us and run our country that is, apart from the simpler things that have already been agreed can be dealt with in Edinburgh'  by those in London..  It's now way past the time when we should have had the independence to run our own affairs.   Scotland was and is a 'country' not a 'region' and I pray it will soon be again!

I will also vote YES because my ' heart tells me it's right ' .  

Oh and while I'm mouthing off - if by any chance Independence is not the result this year then it is bound to come up again and again until we succeed in gaining Independence, we will never again give in or indeed give up !  This may sound as though I'm anti-English, I'm not, but it's a wonder I'm not.

You just have to look at how the political system is set up...   It wouldn't matter a toss if all the folk in Scotland were to vote Labour Tory or Liberal - The parliament would always be run to suit the much larger number of people who vote which means an English parliament. The Scottish parliament has certainly helped but with very limited powers there's not a lot it can do.

Going back in my childhood when I got history at school very little was taught about Scottish history ... It was English history which was relayed to us...  This had the result of making us children think that Scotland had nothing to offer in history...  It was only when I really became interested in History as a subject that I read more about the joining of the two countries and crowns.  I then realized that Scotland and England were in fact two equal partners in the United Kingdom - that was then .

Now, even the same newspapers are not the same, the front page in Scotland and in England  is often shown with a totally different slant on the stories ...  This can be seen quite clearly in the newspapers which we buy when travelling back up from Blackpool, England after holidaying there .We always stop at the motorway station at Southwaite, England .   It's no wonder that the man and woman in the streets of England thinks we Scots are right moans about nothing they are fed news that says we are shirkers, who are desperate to take all they can get - supposedly from the English people...  It's mad !

It is unbelievable how many of the joint companies, banks and businesses had been transferred down to England. Most government business and car tax registration  has to be done by computer, now ..  I wonder how much of a percentage of people over the age of 55 say, have usage of and knowledge of computers ? If you don't have a computer you can always try to get to a library to ask for help from one of the library assistants - that's if you can find a library within relatively easy distance of your home ....  Do you understand now why we Scots seem to be always running at the (as we say) coo's tail and never seeming to be catching up ??

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ 


Right then,  now enough of my diatribe !!!

Now to give you a laugh - have a decco at this wee video which shows a small dog doing his exercises along with his master ...



Cheers, Kate xxx.




Monday, 17 February 2014

Memories of long tailed creatures......



Hi There,





"One Two three a leerie ".

On Shambles Manor I have a wee "thingy" on the right hand side of my blog which allows folks to be transported to a past blog item ... sometimes travelling back a number of years ......  I have been known to click it myself and ending up laughing out loud while reading, remembering and reliving some memories of my childhood ... I must really be getting old,   mind you I suppose the big problem will come when I'm reading about happenings in my life and I don't remember them  AAAARRGHH !

This story relates to something which happened many years ago and which I set on this blog in January 2008 . 

"Childhood Memories of long tailed creatures "...  ENJOY !


Why is is that sometimes when I settle down to type an item for this blog my mind hits a brick wall and I cannot think what to type.... Does that happen to you at all ?  Ohhhh I know what I'll tell you about ... talk about the past coming up to haunt you - someone was telling me recently about having a problem with mice in their house and it rung bells with me - I know - really must see about my Tinnitus....

This is something which will probably 'convince'  you that I really am round the twist but here goes... 


A long time ago when I was about ten years old and the world was in black and white my family moved from a flat in the town to stay in a house where the back garden and Drying Green backed on to a large field,  I was the eldest of five children and to live near such a large open space was a great experience for us and we all have memories of great times playing there, when the grass was long we were hunters running through jungles ,  after the grass had been cut we would try to build huts and we would hide using the long grass and branches, it was an idyllic play area for youngsters.

The only problem we had during the first 5 years after we moved there was that when Winter was drawing in our lives were tormented by little field mice and no matter how my Dad sealed up holes, laid traps etc and did everything he could to stop them getting into our house he never succeeded in stopping these little rascals. 


We would all be sitting round the TV on a winters night and we would hear a scuffle coming from somewhere and a little animal would shoot from the Kitchen across the floor of the Living Room to goodness knows where...  this happening would be more than a little disconcerting for us kids especially those who were in the unfortunate position of being on the floor - rather than on one of the "chairs" belonging to "The Suite" - if you had not quickly bagged a seat then you would have to lie floorwards. (whilst keeping an eye open for little beasties with long tails).

As I said, my parents were driven demented by them for five years.  One afternoon while we were all at school Mum was sitting at her sewing machine - going good style, ( she was probably making another matching outfit for us kids,  from we were toddlers till we were too old for them, we each had a matching gingham set - girls skirts - boys shirts girls white tops, kind of like like the kids from the Sound of Music). 
You think I'm kidding ??

The TV was on while she sewed and something she heard made her stop and take notice.   Someone was being interviewed and was talking about how to get rid of mice and beasties from your house. The lady who was being interviewed said that all that was required would be to go into every room and walk-in cupboard in your house and just explain to the mice or whatever, that you were afraid of them and that they would be better off going to ........ and that "they" would like them to stay "there".  The point of the missing words is to let you know that you had to tell the mice where to go, but you must not tell anyone else. This suggestion to Mum was helpful as at the time we had a little problem with a neighbour of ours. So this then was an electric light moment for Mum. 


She thought about it for a couple of days, but said nothing to any of us and later in the week she tried it out.  It was only afterwards that she owned up to what she had done.   While she was doing it she said she felt thoroughly embarrassed and a right TWIT - but as she had come to the end of her tether she had to at least try it as she was dreading another winter with our little friends.

I swear that from that day on none of us ever saw any sign of any little wild creature in the house . My Mum lived another thirty years and died in that house which was still mice-less. All of our family can attest to this and all of us remember the fright you got each time one of the little tykes made an appearance.

I'll tell you something else too, none of us have ever had any problems with vermin of any kind in any of our houses and a few of us have lived in or near the countryside. I can't speak for the rest, but wherever I have lived I always have a little walkaround and had a word on the quiet with any tiny creatures that might be listening.

Many years later there was an article in the newspaper stating that "Buck House"  (Buckingham Palace in London) was being inundated with mice and rats - Blimey ! who'd have thunk it Huh?

You know what's coming don't you? me being helpful, had to write and tell them what my Mum had done years ago to rid us of the little vagabonds and ask " them " (the power behind the throne - ie servants wot clean Her Majesties rooms ) to have a word on the QT with the little beggars and tell them - in no uncertain terms to go to ??? now there's a thing, where do they tell them to go ?  Anyway, I reasoned that if it worked in our humble abode then there was no reason why it could not work there...

I thought - well, if nothing else ' they ' (whoever opened the envelope) would get a laugh. Blow me, if I didn't get a reply with the crest on the paperwork and everything from one of her Maj's ladeez or one of her many Secretaries who thanked me for my information and told me that "reports of the infestation had been exaggerated " yeah, right ! I'm damned sure there must be millions running about the House there. Her Maj probably never even heard a scoobie about getting rid of the long tailed pests - or about some "nutter" writing to her.

Just thinking about it though, can you imagine how long it would take to go round all the rooms and walk-in cupboards in the Palace ?  Probably too much to expect some folk to do that job. Just you remember though the next time you read in the papers that the Palace is coping with an infestation of wee long tailed animals......

Hope todays little episode gave you a laugh - it quite cheered me up too..
Cheers to All from Scotland, where the midges rule and ' the Haggi roam the streets '.....


Lots of Love, Kate xxx.

** WARNING ** The reading of this article can Seriously Damage your Mental Health!


Although this sounds unbelieveable it is all completely true... Honest Injun !! (well - that is apart from the bit at the end about the Haggi roaming the streets ).