Monday, 20 July 2015

A wee laugh !






Hi There,


This one appealed to my sense of humour !


' What type of bra?' asked the clerk. 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.  'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.  Which one would you prefer?'  Now totally befuddled, 
the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite 
simple.'

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?  If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
Send this to all that will appreciate it!
oh They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!!
Hahahaha!
★¨`*•♫.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ♫ ..•* ★


Cheers Kate xxx...


Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Irish funny ...



Hi There, 


This is a funny that I was reading while drinking my first cup of 
tea this morning .......   " WARNING " Don't try reading it while drinking hehehehe....
           

                                     The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"


"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? 

                    a) Sparrow
[]
b) Thrush,
[]
c) Magpie,
[]
d) Cuckoo?"
[]

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, 
''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ...."
[]

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple ... it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm surely sure... ! " 

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." 
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris. "Dat it is."
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!" 
The next night, Mick went down to Paddy's pub to buy him a drink.
 "Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" 
...and Paddy said  "Because, ya damn fool, it lives in a clock!"  


 OK now  ...... "FUNNY"  OR  "NOT FUNNY" ???


                     Cheers,  Kate xxx.




Tuesday, 23 June 2015

A 'Soppy' Story ...



Hi There, 


I received the undernoted mail today from my sister in law and as I'm a right 'soppy' I just had to post it here ........   I hope you also enjoy it !


This explains why exactly why I forward jokes, and it says it all for me. 
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him 
had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high,
 white stone wall along one side of the road.

It looked like fine marble..

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that 
glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent
 gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate,
 and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
cid:F2E4AD0E274144F8B09BA4C60D5DFBDE@TAUTDESKTOP
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Ofcourse, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice
 water brought right up.'

The man gestured and the gate began to open.
 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill,
he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gatethat looked as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
 leaning against a tree and reading a book....

cid:A8D08F6944A1451E80A3EDA7C87BF58E@TAUTDESKTOP

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump,' said the man.

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it..

The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself,
 then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back
 toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said.

'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
 Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out
 the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
cid:C29D3B30841B4D0AA72B17DD7E51CEA4@TAUTDESKTOP
Soooo. Now you see, sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding stuff to us without writing a word. Maybe this will explain it.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch,
guess what you do? You forward mails.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact,
 you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what,
 and don't know how....you forward stuff.

A 'forward' lets you know that you are still  
remembered, you are still important, you are still loved,  and you are still cared about. 

So, next time if you get a 'forward', don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

cid:FDA9B962DFD34903AB86267325CEF182@TAUTDESKTOP
You are welcome at my water bowl anytime !!

                                                     Love, Kate  xxx.


    Oh and by the way Please ...
cid:40B06F59EFBE457FA1364573514E8381@TAUTDESKTOP



Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Some laughter to start your day !



Hi There,


I received this via email from my sister in law recently and loved it, so hope you like it too ...

1)
NUDITY
 
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
 
2)
OPINIONS
 
On
   the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 
3)
KETCHUP
 
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
 
4)
MORE NUDITY
 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
 
5)
POLICE  1
 
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 

6)
POLICE  2
 
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake , was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 
  'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' 
7)
ELDERLY
 
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon  rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
 
8)
DRESS-UP
 
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' 
9)
DEATH
 
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.  The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) 
   

10)
SCHOOL 
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
 
11)
BIBLE
 
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,  'I think it's Adam's underwear!' 



Bye! from the land of the tartan, Kate x.




Friday, 15 May 2015

Jest thinking ......


Hi there folks,



As I was sitting around pondering the problems of the world recently I realized that at my age I don't really give a damn anymore, I mean let's face it .... if walking was good for your health the postman would be immortal.  

A white whale swims all day, only eats fish and drinks water but 
is still fat.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years - while 
a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years...  

You tell me to exercise ??   I don't think so !  Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older I've discovered ...

1)     I started with nothing and I still have most of it.
2)     My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all 
        bran.
3)     I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling 
         apart.      
4)     Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5)     Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded - hmm..
6)     If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
7)     It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8)     Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the   
         hydrant !
9)     I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few 
         of  them.  
10)   Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11)   Accidents in the back seat cause kids....
12)   It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been
         anywhere.
13)   The world only beats a path to your door when you're in 
         the bathroom.
14)   If God wanted me to touch my toes he'd have put them on 
         my knees.
15)   When I'm finally holding all the cards, everyone wants to 
         play chess.
16)   It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
17)   The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18)   These days, I spend a lot of the time thinking about the 
         hereafter......  I go somewhere to get something and then
         wonder what "I'm here after"?
19)    Have I sent this message to you before ?  or did I get it 
         from you ???
20)    Funny?  I don't remember being absent-minded...
         

The foregoing has been set here for all my "post menopausal"
friends to whom it will all probably make perfect sense !  To
anyone else just imagine what you have ahead of you hehehe...


Cheers, Kate xxx.


                      

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

FRACKING ???



Hi There,


I watched a TV programme tonight on 'Fracking' and am really annoyed at the points made ...  It was, according to the programme makers made out to be a good idea....  They neglected to give any real information in regard to the bad things attached to the results of this method.  

It now seems that they have Europe in their sights so now we are about to be bombarded by how everything in regard to Fracking is wonderful. There are plenty of videos on 'You Tube' telling of the many bad happenings in the USA due to Fracking...  Do they really think that we in this country are blind and totally stupid ?


I would be very interested in what you think ??



Cheers, Kate xxx.



Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Baking Soda uses Yummy microwave meringues and a parking charge tip.



Hi There,






Mmmmmm... Yum dessert !

The white of  1 large egg add to 300 grams of icing sugar knead for a few minutes pull off large marble pieces of the mixture roll into bolls and place 4 or so on a piece of kitchen roll paper on some sort of plate,  put in microwave for 1 to 2 minutes ...  voila !  Meringues... you can add fruit/- strawberries etc then serve...




WOWEEEE !  and to finish off this blog entry  I have added a wee video about parking charges which some of you in th UK. might find interesting ......






Cheers, Kate xxx.