SHAMBLES MANOR.

Funnies and an Amazing Video ...

2012-01-28T20:24:00.001Z

Hi There,

Wee Billy from Glesga tried his utmost to look 'cool '.

His friend told him that he needed a pair of good designer trainers to go with his shell suit.

Billy saved up all his Giros and all the money he got back from returning his empty Ginger bottles and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.

Strutting down the street, Billy called out to all the passers by "Check oot ma new trainers pal? Stonkin, eh?"

One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that while they were indeed a fine pair of trainers, was young Billy aware that, "Ye've no' done up the laces on wan o' them, ya daft bastirt!"

Billy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace on one trainer, and that on the sole of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to do so.

When asked for proof of this instruction, Billy took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.

"There y'are! Clear as day it says...... Taiwan !"

The translation being 'Tie one' ! hehehe...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant

"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".

"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."

"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"

"Tunderin' lard Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.

I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if

she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having

a 9mm Glock in her center console.

Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what

was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a flipping thing!"

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

An Action Packed Video ....................

Click in the letters to open video

SIMPLY AMAZING

Cheers for now, Kate xxx.

A Great Adventure and a couple of funnies...

2012-01-24T21:10:00.006Z

Getting a cuddle from 'Broxy Bear' at Ibrox - the camera only a few inches from his face ...

We have not as yet found out when it will be shown - but you can be sure that when we do I will post the details on my blog... The cameramen were quite pleased with how the shooting had gone, how he had behaved impeccably throughout and how he was a 'natural'.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

How about this wee doohickey, I've no idea how it was done but have a go for yourselves ... some of these are really tricky... It must need a lot of brain power to set these things up which means that if you've been a reader of this blog you will realize has nowt to do with me personally but stem from the fact that I get a number of emails forwarded to me by my BIL in Dumfries ... Another good one John! Thanks...

Try this.....

You wont believe what happens after you draw a stick man!! I wish I knew how this works!!!

http://www.drawastickman.com/

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

True story .

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey .

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?' 'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken.. I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are..'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all the corners of the world ...

And then He made the earth round !!

Cheers, Kate xxx.

The return of long tailed creatures... and some funnies!

2012-01-16T11:50:00.006Z

Hi There,

Last night I was reminded of problems caused by long tailed creatures long ago... now I really should start with the information that my husband two nights ago went across to the garage to buy something and when he returned he neglected to shut the lower outside door and just locked the upper door...

Annoying but not disastrous right?? Wrong! I noticed tonight wee deposits on our cream coloured hall carpet which looked suspiciously like the little black messages left by long tailed creatures - arrrghh !

The last two nights our weather has been incredibly cold and frosty ! Sooooo, I will have to do the rounds and ask these beings to go to ???? before they get too comfortable in our centrally heated house ! I hope it works as well as it did years ago...

Thanks a bunch Rob! ARRGGHHH !!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

APPETITE SUPPRESSANT

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He again declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off and letting me up? 'Cos I'm starving."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and shouts "im the hardest beggar in here.' Barman says ''calm down mate,of course you are, you're a piece of tarmac!'' Then a piece of red tarmac walks in and says"I'll fight any beggar here. Who wants a beating?" Black tarmac stays silent. The barman says to black tarmac "Why didn't you say anything? I thought you wanted a fight?

Black tarmac replies"I'm not messing with that beggar, he's a 'flippen cyclepath'

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Really cute and most informative this one... Just had to post it here so that my scientifical minded friends could enjoy ... It fairly makes you realize how insignificant we are in the scheme of things.

We are on quite a ride ..... Turn up the sound.

It's not over till it asks if you want to view again. This clever piece originated in Australia.

It's so very well done most folks don't realize how much information he is sharing!

Just click on the link below......

Speakers on...

Photos by NASA. Enjoy your journey!

Click here:

Cheers, Kate xxx.

1911 photos of Niagara Falls and more funnies......

2012-01-13T21:10:00.001Z

Hi There,

Now this was the forerunner of global warming, the government probably envisaged a tax on ice cube production

A woman writes:

Her mother had a cousin living in Niagara Falls that year. She told the family that she and her neighbours woke up in the night feeling something was wrong. It took a while but they finally realized that it was the lack of noise. They had all become so used to the roar of the falls that the silence was unusual enough to alert their senses. Of course at that time nearly all the houses were near the falls. Amazing pictures! 100 years old. Can you imagine walking on Niagara Falls ??

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50million
tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going
to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got
pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I
went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
Paddy replies - I'm gunna take her with me!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"... Mick says
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police
station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy:
"We'll lie and say we only found two."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, i HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID ..... WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ..... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

Gotta love the old gals - don't ya ??

Cheers, Kate xxx.

A 'BIG' Moan, a funnie and a 'wee' puzzle !

2012-01-11T09:00:00.005Z

Hi There,

Do you know what the UK gives away to the developing third world ? particularly when we in the U.K. are so much in the proverbial mire! Comparative figures for France are £40 million , Germany £35 million....

The UK ?? ..... £785 million. How on earth can we afford this? How can this Government justify continuing aid at this level ? It's an all consuming "bottomless pit".

We have had over 50 years of giving out hand outs - we can't afford to morally balance the world.....

"Oxfam" should look back at the UK mainland instead of focusing thousands of miles away The 'so-called cuts' ignore the vast cost of the EU and International Aid.

~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight will surprise you! While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds,

1.	Don't change horses	until they stop running.
2.	Strike while the	bug is close.
3.	It's always darkest before	Daylight Saving Time.
4.	Never underestimate the power of	termites.
5.	You can lead a horse to water but	how?
6.	Don't bite the hand that	looks dirty.
7.	No news is	impossible.
8.	A miss is as good as a	Mr.
9.	You can't teach an old dog new	math.
10.	If you lie down with dogs, you'll	stink in the morning.
11.	Love all, trust	me.
12.	The pen is mightier than the	pigs.
13.	An idle mind is	the best way to relax.
14.	Where there's smoke there's	pollution.
15.	Happy the bride who	gets all the presents.
16.	A penny saved is	not much.

and to finish with ...... a really neat puzzle...

http://www.brl.ntt.co.jp/people/hara/fly.swf

Please click the above and if you can put this puzzle together, you can say goodbye to Alzheimer's! I took it apart so that you can put it together....it works!

Cheers, Kate xxx.

A Funny and a Moan !

2012-01-08T12:20:00.005Z

Hi There,

This first item in today's blog appealed to me ... It's the sort of thing 'my' six-year-old grandson Louis would come out with ...

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

We now have to stand up for everything that is being taken away from us. It's done by stealth because we don't say anything

Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as Holiday Trees for the first time this year which prompted CBS presenter, Ben Stein, to present this piece which I would like to share with you. I think it applies just as much to many other countries as it does to America .

I am also objecting to it It is happening here and is getting worse - I 'OBJECT' to Christmas being referred to as an ordinary 'HOLIDAY' and not as a celebration of the birth of Jesus !

Ben Stein's confession ...

I am a Jew, every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. It does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Confidence / bravado ? or is it stupidity ??

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Some funnies and an interesting video...

2012-01-04T20:05:00.008Z

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The Woman Marine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Ira qi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't f*** with Mommy when she's been drinking." OOOOps...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

An Amazing and generous man ...

Cheers Kate xxx.

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Hi Again !

2011-12-28T12:20:00.021Z

Hi There,

Well, we're back home having paid our visit up to the wilds of Argyll and we had a very happy and comfortable time with our family there though the weather could have been a heckovalot better than it was, these folk down south have been having a water shortage - if only there had been a way to send it down to them by Heaven we would have .... The countryside is beautiful though - even seen through the haze of windy showers of rain and believe you me it never stopped raining and the wind howled constantly! Mind you, it didn't stop these native Argyll folk from going out walking and riding their horses etc...

The Rest and Be Thankful is well named and we were lucky to have got over it ... there had been landslides a couple of day before we crossed it. ( for info on 'The Rest' please Google!)

It is nice to be home though and now Christmas is going to be celebrated with the rest of our family and the first lot is expected in a couple of hours so I'd better get a move on.

I hope everyone had a Happy Christmas! I'll just end with a funny at the mo and blog in a couple of days.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The Yorkshire married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared". The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where the hell are you?”
Husband: “Darling you remember that Jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be yours one day.” Wife, with a smile blushing: “Yes, I remember that my love.”
Husband: “Well, I'm in the pub next to that shop.”

and they say the Scots are mean - hehehe...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

When the following details are copied and pasted above this should play but I'm not sure if it will play properly as my PC is acting up so please try it's really funny ... well, it definitely appeals to my sense of humour anyway -

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/05/11/egreetings/image/01.swf

Love to All, Kate xxx.

"A Happy Moment."

2011-12-20T20:15:00.000Z

***

Merry Christmas !

Hi There,

This is one of these Francis Gay (Sunday Post) stories which always reminds me of one of 'my Happy Moments' ..

" The young couple in the bank looked like they'd known nothing but hard times for a while . As the woman tended to the baby in the buggy, the man glanced around at the other people in the queue who were waiting. He shifted uncomfortably, seeming to feel really out of place. Then his wife turned the pram around and the little one caught sight of him.

"Daddy", she said, then "that's my Daddy!" with the emphasis on the 'my' - her voice got louder and more emphatic. A strange thing happened - he stood taller, his smile brightened.

His financial situation hadn't altered - but he had! He didn't look so out of place any more. In fact, most of us, I am sure, thought he was the luckiest man in the whole bank. All because of a little child's voice "...

P.S. While I was reading this I was reminded of being at the nursery school's 'Christmas Show' for the Mums Dads and Grandparents (which took place three years ago) .... I could and (still can) hear Louis saying loudly to his friend next to him and giving him a nudge - "That's 'my' Nana" and waving excitedly to me. I hope this post also has reminded you of a 'Happy' moment...

" Happy Christmas to All."

Cheers and Much Love Kate xxx.

Blue bird of Happiness and Funnies ...

2011-12-11T20:11:00.008Z

BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS,

MY ASS!

Do I look happy? It's Friggin' Freezing.

There's snow up my arse, all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white sh*t, and you want ME to sing? What? Piss Off!!

Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica and smoking dope!

Hi There,

A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham , her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without everleaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People(HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer,

Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist ondrums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates ' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham , what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO,"said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua , being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. And that's the truth….

Cheers, Kate xxx.

More funnies ...

2011-12-09T11:10:00.013Z

Hi There,

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see? '

'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'

'You dumber than buffalo sh*t. It means someone stole the tent.'

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Irishman says? "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Have you ain't got no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog come along and poop by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!"

This Irishman is now head of Qantas

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Oooppps to arrghh !

Cheers, Kate xxx.

More Funnies ...

2011-12-04T21:00:00.001Z

Hi There,

They were together in the House. Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance....and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.... She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on.... They knew it was wrong...

Their families would never understand... So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors... just the faint click of a camera.......

OOOpppsss !!!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know - and we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
The spirit of God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country. Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their head bowed at the Cenotaph.

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps.. with a hammer.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life! Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more too!

Spread the laughter Share the cheer !

Let's be happy While we're here!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Cheers Kate xxx.

Sea Travel ...

2011-11-25T09:00:00.002Z

Hi There,

I received these two videos the other day from my brother in law and they reminded me of a couple of sea crossings I had 'enjoyed '?? One November across the Irish Sea and another travelling to Norway with a hurricane at our back ... I remember being in the ships telephone box on the Norwegian crossing trying to balance between three walls of the phone box attempting to stay upright hehehe... I swore I would never again board another ship ever !! (I did of course but it was a memory I'll never forget).

This was a ship that was going between the Antartic and Chile during a summer storm. Not sure why anyone would go for a “pleasure” cruise in the roughest ocean area on the planet anyway...

From Above!

From Inside !

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Rob's home ! and Utter Cruelty - Please pass this on!

2011-11-18T11:20:00.006Z

Hi There,

Rob and I in an earlier lifetime when he still had his 'Santa tummy' and I didn't !!! He's back by the way, I got word the day before yesterday that he could get home and could I collect him ??His name was on the list for a run home in an ambulance bus... so how come I had to go get him ??? Well it would have meant him having to wait another day or so before he could get home and start ordering me about instead of the nurses hehehe... plus of course that he would have to perhaps have to do a tour around Glasgow till it was his turn to be deposited home.

He is now sitting in his armchair giving orders and (me ??? Well, I'm acting deaf ) that is, until he alters his temperament and his tone of voice ... MEN BEGORRAH !!

I must admit though that it's rather nice not to be on my own ... I really missed the bad tempered old bat a lot while he was incapacitated (but don't tell anyone I said that and I would deny that it ever entered my brain to think such a thing).

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I saw this on Facebook and am passing it on to others in the Blogger community - Please pass it on and pray that at some point (Please God !) this sickening practice comes to an end ......

Please keep this mail going around the world....
> Please send this on, this is serious cruelty.
>
> The sea is stained in red and it is not because of the climate effects of nature. It's because of the cruelty of the human beings (civilised human) who kill hundreds of the famous and intelligent Calderon dolphins.
>
>
> This happens every year in Feroe Island. In this slaughter the main participants are young teens.
> WHY?
> A celebration, to show that they are adults and mature!
>
>
> In this big celebration, nothing is missing for the fun. Everyone is participating in one way or the other, killing or looking at the cruelty supporting like a spectator
>
>
> Is it necessary to mention that the dolphin Calderon, like all the other species of dolphins, it's near extinction and they get near men to play and interact.
> In a way of PURE friendship
>
>
> They don't die instantly; they are cut 1, 2 or 3 times with thick hooks. And at that time the dolphins produce a grim cry like that of a new born child.
>
>
> But he suffers and there's no compassion while this magnificent creature slowly dies in its own blood
>
>
>
> Its enough!
> We will send this mail until this email goes around the world that many more people will know about this shameful acts.
>
>
> Take care of the world, it is your home!
>
> Forward this email as a sign Against this cruelty.

— with Iako Otarashvili,Joyce Baker, Hp Lree, Cat Gramma, Charli Lynn E. Phoenix, Jen Suter,LittleSister Moonglow, Theresa Beard Freni, Bonny Gysel, Taylin Heart Moon,Sylvia Diaz Kennedy, Femmy Yohana Smith, Diane Alex, Tanmoy Saha andKei Lourdes Inoue.and Me ...

Love and Stuff, Kate (Lyn) xxxxxx.

Hey Putty-tat... Latest on Rob !

2011-11-15T09:10:00.003Z

Hi There,

An unusual breed ... eeeeeeekkk !

By Emma Cowing

Published on Sunday 13 November 2011 .

THERE’S money in the kitty. A rare breed of feline descended from a Perthshire barn cat has become the hottest new pet in Hollywood.

The Scottish Fold – distinctive because its folded down ears give it an appealing “owl-like” appearance – has become one of the most desired cat breeds in America, with celebrities including Kirsten Dunst, Mia Farrow and country music megastar Taylor Swift – who tweeted pictures of her new Scottish Fold kitten last week – shelling out thousands of dollars to get hold of one.

The exotic breed is descended from a white barn cat that lived on a farm near Coupar Angus in 1961, when its unusual folded-ear appearance, believed to be the result of a spontaneous genetic mutation, caught the eye of local shepherd William Ross. He asked for a kitten from the litter for breeding purposes and every Scottish Fold is believed to be descended from that one animal.

Scottish Folds cannot be bred with each other without causing severe genetic mutation, meaning it is common for a litter to contain only one cat with the true folded ear appearance. As a result they regularly change hands for up to £1,000. Prospective owners are often placed on waiting lists or even entered into lotteries for available kittens.

Glasgow-based Scottish Fold breeder Rafal Majek said there was huge demand. “We can’t produce as many as we would like, as kittens with the folded ears are extremely rare. The waiting list is huge, and for the right cat you can wait a really long time, especially if you’re particular about the colour or the markings.” One of Majek’s clients has been waiting a year for a cat.

In the US, where the breed has been granted championship status by the Cat Fanciers Association, the pets are highly popular and have been featured on TV shows such as Tonight with Jay Leno and the Martha Stewart Show. They regularly feature on “top ten cat breed” lists and have even been bred with the “Munchkin” breed of cat, which has abnormally short legs, to create the “Scottish Fold Munchkin”. It is rare for a Scottish Fold to change hands for less than $1,000 in the US.

“Once you’ve had a Scottish Fold you will never have another cat breed,” said Magic. “Everyone falls in love with them because they’re such lovely friendly cats. They’re very curious, quite like dogs in some ways. They follow you everywhere, you may even find them in the shower with you.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Now for news of "'the other half of me'" !

Rob is still in hospital and is, in typical Rob fashion desperate to change his base of operation to back home, now I don't know that it's actually anything to do with him being desperate to get home or if the nurses have got wise to him and have started to stand no nonsense from him ..... He's not now able to ask (or order) them to do things for him or to get for him ... hehehe...

Now, I shouldn't say that - it's just that he is the kind of man who likes things done to 'his' instructions rather than the way others want things done .... The nurses of course work to other rules and regulations (i.e. their own). I am half expecting him to appear at the door this week two ambulance men behind him carrying his hospital belongings (having signed himself out) ready to once again take up residence at home.... arrrghhhh !

I hope he will persevere and stay in hospital until he can walk with the crutches from one room to the next so that he will at least be able to make his way to the bathroom when he needs to do so... 'cos as sure as God made apples, I'm definitely not gonna carry him between these two places !! It would be absolute madness for him to sign himself out on Friday (as he has threatened he would do) ...

If he does - I think I'll be for signing myself 'into' the hospital !!

'YOU THINK I'M KIDDING ???

Cheers, Kate xxx.

A tale of two brains... MEN !

2011-11-04T08:10:00.003Z

Hi There,

This appealed to me and cheered me up a bit you see I am for the first time 'in eons' on my ownsome at home these days as Rob had an accident the other night while doing nothing/heaven knows what (as men can do per the previous wee video) and he tripped and fell in the road at the side of the car ... He was then lying on the ground and shouting for help 'cos he couldn't move up down or sideways! He did say he was hoping some 'gorgeous' female would come to his assistance however it was an elderly couple who appeared and sent someone to phone for an ambulance...

He now resides in a hospital bed courtesy of the Glasgow Royal Infirmary - poor soul! I received a call that he was being x-rayed for a broken hip and so spent the following three hours or so in the waiting hall there... So, yesterday he was supposed to have an op to redo his hip bone! Unfortunately, due to a hold up in the theatre queue the op was cancelled and it is due to take place today! We, his visitors last night were at the ward and Rob had a great time to himself duly holding court, enjoying the extra attention ... I do hope the op is straightforward and he recovers quickly 'cos you know what men are like when they aren't well ...

By the way, I wonder whose brilliant idea it was that patients could have a telephone at the side of their hospital beds huh ??? I was in the middle of organising his needs and wants yesterday morning and 'six' times he phoned to give more instructions (ahem... requests) MEN ! hehehe...

Cheers, Kate xxx.

More funnies...

2011-11-01T19:00:00.003Z

Hi There,

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

2. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

3. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

4. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

5. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

6. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

7. Hard work pays off in the future - Laziness pays off now.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

9. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

10. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

11. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

12. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

13. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

14. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

15 Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

This letter was sent to the Kirkcaldy High School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for pensioners. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kirkcaldy High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Old Age Pensioners luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Raith home for Elderly Ladies. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone.... I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed to have the chance to tell her to beggar off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Yours sincerely,

Ella.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

An Amazing sight ...... Airswimmers !

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Funnies and an amazing video...

2011-10-30T04:40:00.003Z

Hi There,

Happy Halloween Folks !

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1. Save the whales - Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like - Night.

3. On the other hand - you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm - but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria - They're the only culture some people have.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

To save the economy, John Key will announce shortly that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Superannuation and Health costs.

Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home! I started crying when I thought of you.........

RUN, OLD FRIEND, RUN! Well... someone sent it to me and I'm not going alone !

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Flippen nora ... talk about kids being advanced... an amazing video !

Cheers Kate xxx.

A 'Funnie' Day !

2011-10-24T21:00:00.002+01:00

Hi There,

Sex in the Office

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,

But she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up

to her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me
have sex with you'. But the girl said " NO!"

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend

and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
Pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asked what had happened...

She responded, 'The toe-rag used coins!'

Management Lesson ...

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety

before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Gordon and Norma Yeager. - A true Story.

2011-10-20T21:00:00.005+01:00

A True Love Story ... I found this story by accident and couldn't resist posting this story here .

True, long lasting love is hard to come by these days. Which is what makes a story like one so touching. Gordon and Norma Yeager were the definition of soul mates. Having been married for 72 years, last Wednesday after a car accident, the lovers passed away within an hour of each other, holding hands as they crossed over.

The couple from Iowa were married the day Norma graduated high school in 1939. They are survived by their two children, Donna and Dennis, 14 grandchildren, 29 great-grandchildren and one great-great grandchild.

Gordon is remembered as a sociable, fun loving party animal, while mum Norma was quieter, organised and considered a perfectionist. The couple rarely spent any time apart and according to their children 'were committed to each other for life'.

When the couple lay in hospital together holding hands after their accident, Gordon stopped breathing. But the heart monitor was still going strong because of Norma's heartbeat.

'Her heart was beating through him and picking it up,' Dennis said.

At their funeral on Tuesday, Norma, 90 and Gordon, 94, held hands while sharing the same casket. After they are cremated, their ashes will be mixed together, according to their family.

What a great story......

Love and stuff, Kate xxx.

Funnies

2011-10-18T11:20:00.004+01:00

Who's the cutest ?

Where's my Mummy ??

Hi There,

MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES SOMETIMES ...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him..

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee,
'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily...

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today. '

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Grant, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.
Its length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.
Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part,
she composed herself as well as she could.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady,
I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Grant replied.

She ran out of the room.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

1. MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPPINESS

BUT...SOMEHOW, ITS MORE

COMFORTABLE TO CRY IN A

MERCEDEZ BENZ THAN IT IS

ON A BICYCLE.

--------------------------------------------------------------

2. FORGIVE YOUR ENEMY,

BUT REMEMBER

THE SWINE'S NAME.

--------------------------------------------------------------

3. HELP A MAN

WHEN HE IS IN TROUBLE, AND

HE WILL REMEMBER YOU,

WHEN HE IS IN TROUBLE AGAIN.

--------------------------------------------------------------

4. MANY PEOPLE ARE ALIVE

ONLY BECAUSE

IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM.

---------------------------------------------------------------

5. ALCOHOL DOES NOT SOLVE

ANY PROBLEMS, BUT THEN

NEITHER DOES MILK.

---------------------------------------------------------------

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I wonder how long it took to set this up ??

Cheers, Kate xxx.

A couple of funnies and The animal school video...

2011-10-13T17:00:00.000+01:00

Hi There,

The Dead Parrot

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.

What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor Rod."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Rod."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head driver golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep sh**!."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Australian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Aussies, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet and, shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Australians".

One week later, a Council in East Ayrshire reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in New Cumnock, Eck Davidson, a self-taught archaeologist and retired miner, reported that he found
absolutely darn all....... Eck has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Scotland had already gone wireless!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Cheers Kate xxx.

How old is Grandma ? and Did you know ?

2011-10-10T18:45:00.004+01:00

Hi There,

How old is Grandma ??

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.
The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..

The Grandmother replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
' television
' penicillin
' polio shots
' frozen foods
' Xerox
' contact lenses
' Frisbees and
' the pill
There were no:
' credit cards
' laser beams or
' ball-point pens
Man had notinvented:
' pantyhose
' air conditioners
' dishwashers
' clothes dryers
' and the clotheswere hung out to dryin the fresh air and
' man hadn't yetwalked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, .. and then lived together..
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."
We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centres, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege...
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny,and the President's speeches on our radios.
And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan'on it, it was junk
The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam....
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where youcould actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn't want to splurge, you couldspend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
' "grass" was mowed,
' "coke" was a cold drink,
' "pot" was something yourmother cooked in and
' "rock music" wasyour grandmother's lullaby.
' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
' "chip" meant a piece of wood,
' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
' "software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.or from the archives
How old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

OK so what age is the Grandma?
She would be only 59 years old !

It gives you something to think about ...

Pass it on to the old ones - the young ones wouldn't believe it.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Did you know ......

In Alaska It is illegal for a moose to walk on the sidewalk downtown In Arizona Hunting camels is prohibited. In Arkansas It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while there.

In California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Cheers. Kate xxx.

Holidays, Things oldies say and Table Tennis ...

2011-10-03T22:00:00.002+01:00

Hi There,

Well, we survived the visit down south and had a restful holiday for the first few days of our family visit to Newark We then spent 5 days in a bed /breakfast, evening dinner place in Blackpool.... Remind me ' never to go to a B & B place which was completely new to us ever, ever again'. Let me elaborate ...... The breakfast was served between the times of 8.30 am and 9.00 am. after that the light was put out and this was the sign that we must then vacate the dining room...... Honest ! Dinner was from 5.00 pm. till 5.30 pm .... You felt as though all the people staying in the B & B were being served from a horse trough !!! We were only too pleased to leave there...

Our second experience was at a much nicer B & B though it didn't turn out much better... we had arrived to spend 3 days .... all went well until we arrived back at the hotel to put the one and only light on in the room it must have been all of a 25 volt bulb which had been fitted into it ... and it was impossible to read anything via the light which that gave out and the 12 inch TV (well I think it was a 12 inch it was on top of the wardrobe ) refused to work and our wee transister radio could get no reception - arrrggghjhh !!! The owner in this second place was at least pleasant and friendly however ... We 'were' supposed to stay until this morning but we left yesterday and drew sighs of relief when we finally arrived at home.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

I love these wee doohickeys about the things the 'oldies say and do' and couldn't resist posting this one I got in an email the other day ...

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Something else to make you laugh ... Enjoy !

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Holidays / Andy Murray having fun ...

2011-09-22T06:00:00.001+01:00

and Hi There,

Holiday time is here again and Rob and I are heading down once again to the land of the 'Auld Enemy' hehehe ... We are travelling first to Newark to visit Rob's brother and his family for the first few days then making for Blackpool for a few days so I'll need to remember to take my 'Kiss me Quick' hat so that I can have a stroll along the promenade. Let's hope the sun will be in evidence - according to the weather forecast we should have a few days of sunshine sooooooo..... Wayyyhayyyy !!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

While having a wander around the internet I found a wee video which shows another side of 'sober, po-faced and no smiles' Andy Murray ...... What a revelation hehehe! He should lighten up more often.

Cheers, Kate xxx.

Funnie and The inspirational eagle

2011-09-18T19:30:00.002+01:00

Hi There.

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people and who found themselver assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'get your own f**king blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted then fell asleep.

The End

This was shown on an email I received recently it's the story of the life of the eagle - it's an amazing story and I hope you enjoy it.......

Cheers, Kate xxx.

In 1911/ Do you ever wonder./ Word meaning...

2011-09-16T08:30:00.006+01:00

1911 Ford Model T...

Hi There,

The year is 1911 --- One hundred years ago.What a difference a century makes!

Here are some statistics for the Year 1911:

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years...

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year ..
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year,a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at home .
Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of whichwere condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month,and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people fromentering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars...
The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was niether a Mother's Day nor a Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percentof all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counterat the local corner drugstores.
Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion,gives buoyancy to the mind, Regulates the stomach and bowels,and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health!" ( Shocking? )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help ....
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
When I forward an email to someone else without typing it myself.
From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD -all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.. Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

DO YOU EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

WHY IS IT THAT ...

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. So ... Spread the Stupidity!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between

the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that's easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.
I beg to differ because there is......

For example,

When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
When you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are

"COMPLETELY FINISHED"!

Cheers, Kate xxx.

An excellent read and Some Zen teachings.

2011-09-13T13:00:00.007+01:00

Hi There,

73 and I'm Tired

An Excellent short read - pass it on!I can really relate to this one.......
By Robert A. Hall

I'm 73 Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers;" of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery;" of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari’a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that, out of "tolerance for other cultures," we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America and Canada , while no American nor Canadian group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off?

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 73.. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughters and grandson.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.
There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on!
This is your chance to make a difference."I'm 73 and I'm tired." If you don't forward this you are part of the problem."Never complain about growing old, far too many people have been denied that privilege."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

'ALTERNATIVE' ZEN TEACHINGS

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.

and lastly number 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Have a look at this and try not to laugh - Impossible!

He must be a very well trained dog as it would be darn near impossible for a dog to think that a statue could be alive and able to toss something for him to catch ...... Dogs work purely on smells and I doubt if the statue was giving off any aromas that would make him think that the statue would or could want him to play catch ......

Cheers, Kate xxx.

A Celebration, Empathy and a Flash-mob.

2011-09-09T00:10:00.014+01:00

HI THERE,

According to information given on my computer system Dashboard this is the 600 th post on this blog - WOW!! and I just started blogging thinking that it would give me something to keep my menopausal brain occupied ... well it certainly has done that right enough !

It is true that recently I have been cheating and adding and circulating emails received from my brother in law who has a certain number of friends some of whom live in the region of the new world ... Ahem ...... Australia actually! I would therefore send many thanks to him as there have been several occasions when my brain has gone numb and I've not been able to summon up any intelligent comments to type here for your delectation.

I would also like to thank the several blogfriends who continue to tell me that they still read my musings although they do not comment often . You know who you are! Oh and I would like at this time to single out one particular blogfriend who practically always leaves a billet doux, well, not really a billetdoux more a 'billet like ' if you know what I mean..

'THANKS VERY MUCH LOM' ...

Thanks a lot to all who just read or who take the time to comment - Love Kate x.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Now on with the rest of this momentous post - Enjoy !

This is the first of five you tube videos which becomes a 'GEM' of a moving documentary. It's about a boy's experience of a family bereavement and how it was brought out by the class home teacher and how this becomes a fantastic learning experience for all the class . As I already said I have only loaded the first of the five videos but if you have time to watch the others I'm sure you, like me will get a good grounding of how part of the school system operated in this school... Oh how I wish that all teachers were as understanding and knowledgeable .

This video is a sad one but shows with the help of a caring teacher the story of the death of a boy's grandfather brings about memories of another schoolgirls loss of her father when she was only 3 years old......

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

One of the better 'Flash Mob' videos about on the internet - Enjoy !

Cheers to All , Kate xxx.

Radio comment, Fact about the past, Moose playing...

2011-09-08T08:30:00.005+01:00

Hi There,

I nearly choked on my toast this morning when I heard this ...

For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on Radio 4, this is British humour at its best - Right at the end of the programme there was a discussion about the obscene cost of entry into Premiership football games - the cheapest £60 and £100 per game is common. An older chap being interviewed said he could recall many years ago arriving at the turnstile (it was probably West Ham United or Queen's Park Rangers) to be told "That will be 10 pounds Mate". "What!" the old chap said "I could get a woman for that!" The guy on the turnstile said ............

"Not for 45 minutes each way you wouldn't - And a brass band in the Interval!" As the pips sounded on the hour The news presenter John Humphries could be heard in stitches, laughing.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Interesting facts about the past and how folk lived then...

Us older people need to learn something new every day.. Just to keep the grey matter tuned up. Do you know where the term "Piss Poor" came from?

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot And then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery....if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor". But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature Isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Some facts about life in the 1500s

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, And they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings Could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery In the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, It would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers In the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.
Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme:
Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests And would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, Causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, So for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
And guests got the top, or the upper crust. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom;of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.)
to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

And that's the truth. Now, whoever said History was boring!!!

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Awwww... an oldie but a cute wee video ...

http://www.wimp.com/babymoose/

Cheers, Kate xxx.

The barefoot Angel, sage sayings and a Fun video.

2011-09-06T09:45:00.002+01:00

Hi There,

This is one of the Inspireme stories - Enjoy !

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped-over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello." The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi," after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because I'm different." I immediately said, "That you are!" and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent." She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?"

"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all those people walking by." She nodded her head yes, and smiled. With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am. I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done."

I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?" She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You are the only one that could see me," and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Some of these old sayings which have a lot of truth in them ...

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes... that way, when you do criticize him, they'll be a mile away and barefoot !

A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free; and you will discover the prisoner was you...

My life philosophy is: Always have an alternative so that you will never be disappointed.

You don't know what you have until you lose it.

Grandma always told me: "The squeaky hinge gets the oil, so get out there and start squeaking!"

"Beauty isn't easy or painless; just better than the alternative."

"Any job worth doing is worth doing well."

"Who lied and told you life was fair? This is Earth, not Heaven!"

~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~

How would you like to wear a cape like this?

Cheers, Kate xxx.

You never know the minute and Seniors boating.

2011-09-04T20:00:00.003+01:00

Hi There,

"Many people who have either a minor stroke or the so-called mini-stroke are neither aware of it nor seek medical treatment. Minor stroke or transient ischemic attack (TIA) occurs when a blood clot temporarily clogs an artery and blocks blood flow to the brain.

A minor stroke can cause symptoms that include unexpected trouble speaking, as well as vertigo, balance problems, and temporary weakness or numbness of an arm or leg. Although minor strokes do not typically cause permanent brain damage, early treatment of these conditions reduces the risk of a more serious stroke".

The above was found on the internet !!

I posted the foregoing statements because a couple of weeks ago while I was staying with my 'wee' sister for a couple of days and I had, what her doctor seems to think had a dizzy turn and fainted " - It had frightened the living daylights out of me. That morning Lorraine had taken me to see her doctor who after doing some tests seemed to think I had vertigo - which is bad enough - but when I got home and had nearly finished the week's course of pills I contacted my doctor... as In the pill box there had been a letter saying that when you were coming to the end of the tablets it was required that you go back to your doctor so that he could check you over ...... it was not recommended that you just stop the pills if you felt better.

So last week I visited the doctor, only to be told after several tries to get my blood pressure that it was exceptionally high and that it seemed that the problem was not simply vertigo... When the doctor was finished with her tests she then took me out to the reception area where I was shown to a seat and told to wait for 30 minutes and if I was feeling a bit better I was then to go home. A prescription in my pocket to another 2 weeks of pills and with the proviso that was to make an appointment for 2 weeks and that if I felt dizzy again I was to contact her or the hospital right away. In the meantime, I await a date for an MRI scan and my 2 weeks appointment with my doctor is on Thursday .

I knew I could be a dizzy and ditzy female at times but Flaming Nora !! you never know the minute eh ??

The weird thing was that when I walked into the doctor's office I had been feeling OK not worrying about anything in particular and assuming that she would just be telling me to take it easy for a while and my 'vertigo' would ease off in time hehehehe... .

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Changing gears a whean have a look at this video, I think it's hilarious ... I know it's not good to laugh at folk - but sometimes you can't help but laugh ...

Love and stuff, Kate xxx..

I never knew / Some beautiful sights.

2011-09-03T01:00:00.002+01:00

Hi There,

This is from the Inspireme site ...

I Never Knew - - By an unknown Author

My dad has been dead for quite a while now. Dad was an orphan and dropped out of high school before his second year because he had no school clothes. He worked two jobs all of his life until he retired and even then continued to work one job. Still, there was never a lot of money in our small family.

I came close to knowing what it was like to not to have enough money for even basic necessities. As a single mom with a small child, I decided to go back to college so I could afford to take care of my daughter by the time my spousal support ran out. We lived on $500 a month from 1973-1980. Sometimes I'm amazed that she and I made it through.

When you are that poor every unexpected expense is a disaster. My parents couldn't afford to help me and besides, I was 28 years old when I began my quest. Still, when my old car fell apart, as it frequently did, and my typewriter actually wore out midway through grad school, Dad came to the rescue with just enough to take care of the problem.

It was after I graduated that I learned that Dad had started a savings account to keep my car running, out of which also came the new typewriter.

It wasn't a lot of money, but it sure was then when I desperately needed it.
THANKS DAD

"We never know the love of our parents for us until we become parents."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Some beautiful sights ... Enjoy !

Cheers, Kate xxx.