More Funnies .

Hi There,

A lady who owned a Schnauzer found that her dog had a problem with his hearing and took him to see the vet. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears, so he cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet told lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady straight away went to the chemist and bought some 'Nair' hair remover. 

At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "In that case you'd better stay off your bicycle for a week."

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Some more of Erma Bombeck nuggets...

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go 
into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realising that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's" . . .

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . . look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back.”

― Erma Bombeck

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The Rangers-supporting, Irn-Bru drinking Scotsman who married in a kilt and is now tipped to be the future leader of Germany ! 

• David McAllister, 41, married in a kilt, supports Rangers and drinks Irn-Bru
• He is up for re-election as governor in the state of Lower Saxony this month
• Opponents claim his party creates 'Cuba-like cult of personality around him'
• Pundits predict CDU conservative could lead country within a decade

By ALLAN HALL

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2257134/Scotsman-father-British-army-captain-served-Germany-World-War-Two-tipped-future-German-leader.html#ixzz2H5wQqbFU 
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Cheers, Kate xxx.